2nd week of May

The television is playing a cartoon song and Hubby is doing something on the computer. Kiddo is watching but more into her handheld game. I'm just sitting here reading online the various blogs and Facebook updates. I get up to go to the other room and here comes the questions. "What do you need?" "Where are you going?" (This place is small, where might I go?) I know I'm disabled but I can at least do a few things. Sometimes I need to get to where I'm going, and quick, or the laundry room will need a visit. So I leave the room and here comes "the party". (think I talked about this in previous notes) I'm trying to enjoy company because yes, never know when it is the last but sometimes I need me time, a breather but I'm never alone.

I've realized that I have a hard time telling my family that I want to do some things, like read, exercise and just spend time thinking and spending time with the Lord. I'm trying to state what I need/want. This week has had some challenges but also really good times.

We spent Monday tending to our daughter and her dentist appointment. (two more to go) I'm amazed at how fast she jumps back, ready to eat and play. We have to remind her to rest, take it easy, have some yogurt or something soft. So hard when we need to take a break and slow down. I used to be a go go go girl or thought I was but now I can't remember. Kiddo is still very active, she's nine, who wouldn't be? At least she tried to sit and rest.

Then comes the challenges, "Trust Me" He says. Therapy time on Tuesday was difficult. We get there and my therapist wants to do some testing, to see how I am doing. The first tests were great. I passed. But.. oops I'm not doing what I need to do at home. Supposedly there was a goal about walking around the apartment complex without stopping. (Not sure who set that goal) I think I might had mentioned when I started this session, a few weeks ago, that I have tried to walk around the building in front of ours without stopping but at 5 minutes I'm almost out of breath and all my muscles are tight. I stop for about a minute and keep going. I would like to walk better. SO.. I'm told we are going for a walk, was handed a single prong cane, (only used one a few times and not long so still unsure of myself) and headed out the door. Hmmm.. how am I to process all this newness. New cane, new place, new ramps/hills, loud noises on road, people around, eeek... I tell you this place is not even at all. About 1/4 the way, I'm stressed, my muscles are tensing up and I'm trying to focus. Therapist is talking so I'm trying to respond but having a hard time. I don't remember what all was said, just too upset, wind tried twice to blow me down and I was crying, tears filled up my eyes, I kept walking. "Jesus...Jesus" was running through my head while my mouth was saying my frustrations. I did it.. 10 minutes of painful walking, frustration but I did it from gym and back, all around the building. We stopped for the day. Both therapists said no way to continue, no use when I'm upset. Took a few days to process what happened. Anything new and my anxiety level kicks in so I'm trying. I have too many excuses why I don't go out and walk 10 minutes. My comfort zone is one, our apartment. I don't like steps right now and to go anywhere I have to deal with 14 of them outside our door. Takes a good bit of effort and time which people seem to forget because they are go go go. 10 minutes=a lot more but it's only until I get better at walking and dealing with stairs. Now if I could tell my family we are going outside.

Good things: Great therapy on Friday but only Physical Therapy as other therapist was out. My husband and I spent time talking about what needs to happen (good but could be better). Saturday was my birthday (another post on that great adventure) and good family time. I spent a good time studying Psalm 119. Seeking Him!

My obstacle course for Friday

My surprise cake Yummy!

Have a great week! God bless you!