Monday, January 31, 2011

Oh no! Watch Out!

Have you ever had a thought...I will write that in the morning. Then morning comes and you can't remember what the words were that went through your head the night before.

That's me ... a lot lately. Usually right before I go to sleep or while getting settled for the night. I start having words and ideas of a post. Sometimes I just want to turn the computer back on and write. Not having your right hand functioning as it did can bring frustration, cannot just pick up a pen and write SO I want to remember - Your phone has a notepad! Texting or writing notes text on th iPhone can be challenging when it is a long note so I will do shorthand. *chuckles* I really want to remember what is given to me so this I will do when not near a computer.

The "Well" lady - a little funny - needed when frustrated

Me: blah blah something "Well," blah blah
Hubby: Don't take Timmy's Well.
Me: Sorry, I say that a good bit.
Hubby: You didn't say "that" you said "well".

For some odd reason we just start laughing. My husband is good at getting me to take my mind off things especially at the end of a frustrated day.
Laughter is good but God is even better. Night time is a great time to end the day with thanksgiving to Him. All day, from start to finish. Start the day with praise, not worry, good thoughts, not dreading the day. Ending the day with thanks. During the day, on breaks, mealtime, in car, however!
"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7 NKJV

What a great peace He gives us especially in our time of need. A few months ago when I started to reflect on my stroke, I realized more on how the Lord saved me during that time. The night of my stroke many family and friends prayed for me. Still not really understanding how or why, but my heart and mind was guarded when I had no control. I had suffered a stroke, affecting my brain yet protected, no damage to my actual thinking process, still had my memory and lucky no issue with my heart even if my blood pressure was high. God's peace!

We have a blizzard coming up or what some had said "blizzard like conditions", starting this afternoon and into tomorrow. It's our first big storm this season out in Oklahoma. My prayer is for the people. That they stay warm somewhere! In some parts looks like 8-12" of snow but other parts are going to have much more. Safety, warmth (as we get to -10 to -20 wind chill the next 48-72 hours), food and supplies are a concern. Thanking God for Him!

Have a blessed day!!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Bring The Rain!

                  I pray that everyone has had a good week. The last few days have had moments that were great and then we have had ugliness, challenges and basically attacks from different corners. We are a "new" family with just a little over a year together. We don't always fit together like a puzzle. Different backgrounds, how we were brought up, make us unique and special. It takes time to get our thoughts and ideas together, discussed and a plan for our family. We didn't expect my stroke and all that would happen.
                 I am thankful to God for our convictions and for moving in our family. There were many tears and "I'm sorry" with many talks. We still have issues to work out but we will with God's help. Last night during some quiet time, praying and sharing with the Lord, I ran across this song."Bring The Rain" by MercyMe.
The song reminded me that regardless of what I have been through or what happens that God deserves our praises. He brings us through trials and challenges for a reason. We may not know every reason but He will see us through. "Bring me anything that brings You glory"

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5 NIV

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration, a thought occurring in consideration or meditation. Just a thought.
2009-2010 had lots happen and some good, some bad, but they happened. Part of reflecting on the past is to move forward. Part is to remember and part is to forgive, yourself and others. A time to give thanks to the Lord. During this time I learned that I needed to be content in all as Paul. (Philippians 4:4-13) Rejoicing, thanking God, prayer and requests.
After I had my stroke I can truly say that my life has changed. Not only physically, mentally but spiritually. I can admit that I did a lot of mistakes in my before life. Living in my own time, my own way, my me me. Thank God for working in me, for being faithful, loving, and never totally leaving me!
This last year has been my most challenging but yet there is part of me that would not change a bit. God needs His miracles for others to see, hear, share His love, show His love and in that I am thankful to be a part of His plan.
Some thoughts:

1. My husband who married me after my stroke by my request to not live in sin of not being married. While we were separated due to my hospital stay the holy spirit spoke, to keep this relationship, living together, must be married or move back to parents. Very strong "No, you are not going to do as your past" Thank you Father!

2. The Lord pulled me closer to Him. I am not perfect, no one is, He still has work on me.

3. I went from not being able to feel touch on my right side, nothing, from head to toe, to as of now, 1/25/2011, I can feel pressure, some textures stand out more then others and I have awareness of muscles and where my foot, leg, arm is almost all the time. I can now feel someone touching my shoulder or standing on my foot as my daughter likes to see what I feel. I remember when she said, "Mom, you felt me" when I looked in her direction while she touched my shoulder. Amazes me almost everyday what feels the same.

4. I went from wheelchair to walker, 3/2010 to 4-prong cane 4/2010. I still have balance issues but by God's strength I have not fallen. Scary but funny when I lean to far to right. I have to laugh so I can get past and regain strength, balance and composure especially when embarrassed. Some days I can walk around the house without cane but need walls, furniture to help and I can be slow at times.

5. I still have some throat issues when it is cold and dry. A very sensitive gag reflex when dry. Some of the things that get better as weather warms up. Not fun! Especially if I just ate.. you get the picture?

6. I have to remember that not everything will change over night. Takes hard work, therapy and time. God healed me now it is my turn to make those muscles work.

7. One issue that I have to deal with is tight muscles, muscles that like to go one way when I want to go another. Started about May or June 2010. Somewhat a set back, writing and things with hand are much harder, much painful. Walking can be difficult. More later on Spasticity.

8. Type with my left hand! Almost always. I use one finger on right hand and practice trying to use hand with mouse, hard when fingers don't want to work. They like to push more than one button. Can get frustrating but I keep trying.
9. Thankful for sight, hearing, and ability to think. My memory is pretty good except when I push things away.

10. My last thought for now, my music. One of my past hobbies.. Playing the piano and singing. Oh how I miss the piano and one day I will get there! Singing has taken practice but so thankful!! that I am getting my voice back, relearning pitch and tone. As long as I keep practicing I will get better!

May you have a great day no matter what and may God continue to work on you.
"And David said to his son Solomon, “Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God—my God—will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD" 1 Chronicles 28:20

Monday, January 24, 2011

What happened... part 2 The good and the ugly side

I have been re-reading my last post and wow so much I didn't include. Perhaps because there is just too much to remember. I will point out that my little girl, Krista, who is 9 now, had no idea of what was going on as she had left before we got to the hospital. She stayed with a family that she did not know, just met, and yet they opened their arms and spoiled her with love and shopping. My mom had flown in from Florida and helped make arrangements for Krista to go stay with her aunt and family while I recovered/figured out what was going on with my body. They brought Krista to see me once before they left to go to Florida. I cried, she cried and didn't know what to think of mommy's lack of feeling and use of her right side. No one really knew what was to happen and this was the first time in 8 years that we were apart more than a few days. Very hard to even think. She is my miracle child.
Now for the rest of the story.. It's December 20, 2009, just a little bit before Christmas. I was glad to be home but I was no where ready to face all my issues. I couldn't walk with out someone with me. I had very very little feeling and had a foot that liked to turn on it's right side. I had to really depend on my fiance' to come home at lunch, help me move from room to room, fix my food, and I stayed put until he got home. Was a very frustrated time as I couldn't do anything but watch tv or read if a book was nearby. Within a few days, I had to force myself to walk from bed to toilet chair or couch to toilet chair right next to me. That toilet chair had to be moved anytime I moved rooms. My wheelchair didn't fit much anywhere in our apartment. Was a crazy time just a week... then my blood pressure went back up on the 20th. Just out of the blue felt that I needed to check my pressure.. 180/110 wow!
I was taken to a hospital nearby, Mercy Hospital. The ER staff tried to get my pressure down and we waited. I really didn't want to go back in to a hospital. Confused why my blood pressure was up, I took my meds. Finally came down some but had to wait to see what would happen. The pressure went right back up. ICU here I come as the medicine they wanted to give was in IV form. They needed to watch over me since I just had a stroke a few weeks before. I had hoped for holidays at home, time with my fiance' and just rest. I got my rest as I was in ICU for one day and the next week was in my own room on the 3rd floor. My blood pressure would not stay down. Up down Up down. The Dr taking care of me changed my meds, upped my dosage until I was stable. 4 medicine for blood pressure... God had a reason for allowing all this to happen to me. I didn't know at the time. Took me months to realize. I had not had any formal therapy. I had no idea how I was to get better. I only knew two people that had a stroke before. One was going on 3 years and had issues but could do most things in life. The other, 11 years, and still having to depend on others for life. I was so confused. Lucky me, there was a rehab center right there in the hospital! After I was stable, after Christmas and a blizzard, around one week I was moved to another part of the hospital and I had a schedule. I would have Physical Therapy, twice a day, Occupational Therapy, once a day, and started with Speech Therapy. I knew I slurred some but did not think was much. During this time, I started watching God's word on TV. Joyce Meyer was new to me but God convicted me of many things I needed to change. I had my bible finally, could read when I had free time. I realized this was my second chance! In the first hospital I was lucky to be alive. God used the second hospital to bring me closer to Him. In the 19 days I was in rehab I went from using wheelchair to walker. Walking here and there but walking! I could do the things they asked me to do with my right hand even though no feelings. Amazed that I could feed myself with right hand though could not feel. I graduated with flying colors on the speech part even completed tasks that no one had done before. There were still lots to come. Backwards and forwards. The brain needs repeating over and over to learn as a child needs to do activities over and over. I had to learn one more skill before they would release me. We live in an apartment on the second floor. There are 14 steps needed to climb to get in the door. I learned to take one step at a time, left foot first then bring up my right, non-feeling foot. To grab hold of the railing with both hands as the railing is right side only. Going up, hard challenge, coming down I soar. To this day I still have husband walk behind me while I go up the stairs. I still have balance issues but so glad they taught me before letting me go.
The next year would give me one challenge after another. God reminds me, renews me, and is still working on me but I can say... He guarded my heart and mind when I could not. For His Glory and only by His strength and power can I do anything!
More later - Next post perhaps a reflection of this past year and where I am today. Thanks for reading!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

What happened...

14 months ago Nov. 25, 2009, the day before Thanksgiving, I was standing in an unfamiliar place with my daughter, my fiance' Terel, his dad, and Terel's two sisters. We had gone to Texas to see family so we were not at home, Oklahoma. We were on our way to eat dinner when I felt something different crawl up my right leg. The feeling was almost to the point of feeling dizzy. I looked to my fiance' wanting to tell him I didn't feel well and my little girl came up to me all smiles. She asked if she could go with the other girls. She was wanting to ride with her new friends - now Aunt Kayla and Aunt Mandy. I just nodded my head unable to speak. As soon as she was out of hearing range I told Terel that I didn't feel well. I said that maybe I just needed to sit down so we headed for the truck.
The feeling wasn't getting better but I am lucky that both guys were with me. I was sitting up front trying to process what I was feeling and going on with my body. I was loosing feeling on my right side. My now father-in-law was asking me all kinds of questions and Terel was holding my left hand from the back seat. There was mention of heart attack and the next thing I knew that crawling feeling was at my throat. I told them and immediately we were going to the hospital. We weren't even on the main road. I remember seeing us go around vehicles and hearing the clicking noise of the hazard lights. My father-in-law had called someone explaining where we were, what was happening, describing the truck we were in and any other information as we continued to head to the hospital. The whole time I told myself to not be afraid and held onto Terel's hand.
When we arrived they told me to stay in the seat. They helped me get out and took me right inside to a small room with a table, cabinets and medical devices. I don't remember much the next few days, only Terel having to leave my side and closing my eyes.
I remember having tests but not all of them. I was at the hospital for approximately 20 days. At first when I woke up, (a few days later after going in and out of sleep), my speech was slow and I had to think of the correct words. I could not feel much if not any feeling on my right side from head to toe. When people would place their hand on my right shoulder I wouldn't even know they did or that they picked up my right hand. I worked a little bit each day at using my right hand even if I couldn't feel and walking, oh my what a challenge that is when you can't feel. I had a hard time trusting a foot and leg that I didn't know existed and a balance that was way off. Before I left that hospital I did walk about 20 steps to the room next door. It was just me the last week I was there. Terel had to go back to work before I was released because we weren't married at the time and his work would not let him stay. The nights were really lonely but thankful for cell phones, nurses and the visitors I did get from time to time.
Finally getting to go home, with wheelchair and some therapy instructions, I couldn't wait! My blood pressure was the reason for my stroke, a bleed, vein burst in the left side of my brain. I wasn't out of the thing I know I am back in the hospital in Oklahoma on December 20, 2009. More tomorrow as needing a break from memories...Thanks for reading.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Praying for Joanne

Click on Joanne's picture to read more about updates on her status. Joanne is not much older than me. She too has had a stroke but all strokes are different. Her family and she need your prayers as she has had a battle to become stable.

The latest update from her husband Toben on twitter: "Your prayers are working! Joanne ICP (inter-cranial pressure) have dropped from 37 to 4!!! What an answer to prayer! Still in a coma."
Amazing! There is information on her blog about how to help the Heim's. Thank you!!

A New Start

I have done My Space and Facebook but something is not right for me so here is to a new start! I wanted a place to share my story and how this life can go from "normal" to a new way of life. I plan on writing my story more in detail, while might take some time I will write. 14 months ago Nov. 25, 2009, the day before Thanksgiving, I was standing in an unfamiliar place with my daughter, my fiance', his dad, and two sisters. We were on our way to eat dinner when I felt something different crawl up my right leg... (more soon) but boom I was having a stroke but never was I truly afraid. Thankful to God for this journey and for being with me all the way. Now, my husband and I are celebrating One year anniversary (Jan. 17, 2010). I may not be "normal" or perfect but he is still here doing all he can for me. Thanking God for bringing us together.

More later!