Saturday, March 31, 2012

TSMSS - Can't Take The Pain

Cover of Third Day's "Can't take the Pain" by Jesse Chasteen
 of Setting Fires

No, I didn't see this one coming
It suddenly snuck up on me

I can't say you didn't tell me so
I can't say you didn't warn me
I can't take the pain of knowing that I left You
I can't bear the shame of knowing I was wrong
But I'll take the blame for everything that I've done
I can't take the pain of leaving you alone
Of leaving you alone

I was there when they accused you
but I guess I was too afraid
Not just once and not just twice
But three times I denied your name

I never thought I'd get even a second chance
But you've given that and so much more
And then for every time I ever did deny
You ask me if I love you, You know I do, Lord

So I'm off to follow in your steps
it won't be easy, it's safe to say
There are only two roads I can walk on down
The road less traveled is the one you paved

Lord, You took the pain even though I left You
And You took the shame and You made it all Your own
Why'd you take the blame for everything that I've done?
Lord, You took the pain
You and You alone, You and You alone

John 18-19 

Praising God!
Visit Amy's post here and join with us!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Spring Break

I hope all is well with you. This week we are having spring break for our public schools in our area. As much as I would like to plan some fun activities, we are still working on getting boxes unpacked and arranging items so I can help more. We are finding that Oklahoma schools are definitely not on same track as Florida schools. This week we are trying to catch up and help our daughter learn what she will need to know for Florida's FCAT (the testing that seems to have a major impact on whether they pass or fail). I am trying not to get frustrated that we just moved and this test is in a few weeks. We will see how it goes and keep praying that all works out so that our daughter will go to fourth grade this fall. She has never had a major test before now.

Our washer and dryer were delivered this morning. We went yesterday to pick a set out and so my challenge for the day was shower, dress, eat, take pills, get everyone out the door and go to the appliance store. Walking around is getting easier (some) but still working on timing. We walked in the store and immediately was greeted by a salesman. He showed us some models that were right in front. They weren't too expensive but still well over my budget. I was praying while I walked to "behind the curtain" that we would find something less expensive but workable for me. We did!  Praise God!

By the time we got to the counter my legs had already started a small pain but I knew this was temporary. We finalized the paperwork and in less than 24 hours we now have them in our garage. The guy hooked all the hoses and now I need to get our laundry started. Standing takes more out of me than walking. As long as I keep walking I do a little better but I know in time I will have more energy. Thanking God for the great weather and the ability to walk when I need to walk.
I do have some posts that I am working on writing. Some are hard to write but I want to share what I go through and help others understand.

I hope you have a great week/weekend! More later!

"Therefore we do not lose heart.
 Even though our outward man is perishing,
 yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment,
 is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,
 while we do not look at the things which are seen,
 but at the things which are not seen.
 For the things which are seen are temporary,
 but the things which are not seen are eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NKJV

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Balance (many different ways)

       When I was thinking about what to write about, the topic "balance" came to the front of my mind. This is an area that I struggle in during my recovery (even before my stroke). The first time I was asked to walk after I had my stroke was really scary for me. I lost all my feeling on my right side. I couldn't tell when anyone was touching me, my feet, my leg, my shoulder or even brushing my hair on my right side. I felt like I was split in two, right down the middle. So trying to get my right leg and foot to cooperate was a challenge. It took 3 people to help me up and stay with me. They tried a walker with me but my right hand would not hold on and my right foot kept turning on it's right side. I had to have my right hand strapped to the walker. I made a few steps and within a week I walked out of my room to the door of the room next door. It was not a pretty sight trying to walk and I had to use something to remind me to balance.
        Even now my balance can be off but luckily I use a 4-prong cane instead of a walker. I even have lucky days of walking around the house without my cane or just the single prong cane. I think I can do this! My right foot doesn't turn up on the right side anymore and if I concentrate I can move with ease. My gait, rate and way of movement, is slow and have to remind my foot "heel to toe" when walking forward. I am still missing a good part of feeling in my foot and leg. I have realized during my walks that I do better when I can tell the presence of my leg and foot. Knowing is half the battle and getting my muscles to not tighten up is the other. While I try to focus there is a lot going on in my mind, around me and that can make my balance and me come to a stop. Oh the things we don't even think about when we can just walk!

         The other part of balance is our way of life. I have to balance my time between family, friends and for myself. I struggled with time way before my stroke. Some days I was really selfish and wanted to do what I wanted instead of spending time with loved ones. Other days I let people and objects take up too much time. Balance in relationships are needed too. Not only for our health and needs but also for the other person. I struggle with communicating my needs especially social needs and health needs. I always could do what I needed before my stroke but not now.
        The biggest thing I missed out on before my stroke was God, spending time with Him and reading His word. I allowed the computer and cell phone to become more important then God. There were times that I pushed Him to the side and I thought I could do better. Now I want and need more balance in my life. I could not get where I am today without His love and forgiveness. To forgive myself too.

I leave this verse with you today.
"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves,
 and the truth is not in us.
 If we confess our sins,
 He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and
 to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
  If we say that we have not sinned,
 we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us."
1 John 1:8-10 (NKJV)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Opening Up (or trying)

It's been over a year since I started this blog. I never really knew what I would write after I wrote about what happened 28 months ago. Yes I had a stroke but I still think there is so much to tell and maybe I will find the words to share. Some topics are easier to share but some have been really personal. Only my husband has really seen and been through everything with me. The ups, the therapy sessions and the ugly parts that I really wish went away. However, it's in the dark times that God's grace and light really shine. He is not through with me or any of those around me. My faith in Him and belief in Him has become really strong but the Lord is the only way I could work through all the issues that come up with family, recovery and every day.
So, with all that said, over the next few weeks I am going to try to "open up" and share what this journey we are on has entailed. 

Thursday, March 1, 2012

March 1st

I hope you all are doing well and looking forward. We have finally moved and getting settled in our new place. Moving has been the most challenging event for me since my stroke. The frustrations and anxiety increased over the weeks of packing, making decisions and the move itself. However, God is so faithful and having reminders along the way helped me endure all that we had to do. The trip itself was long 4 days of traveling from Oklahoma to Florida. Our truck was fully packed so we had to watch the roads carefully. Thankfully nothing major happened and we arrived just in time to have friends help us unload the truck, within 15 minutes of us stopping at new home.

Half way into our trip there was a big white cross lit up on a hill near the interstate in between Mississippi and Alabama. I wish I had pictures but it was a great reminder of Jesus and all God has done for us. Yes we were tired and ready to rest but we kept on another 2 hours before stopping.

Many of you know that I had a stroke and still recovering. This trip gave me a glimpse of what I can do and has helped me greatly. I had to get in and out of the truck at stops relying on my right side more, grabbing the handle and pulling myself up, walking more and trying all I could. There are firsts for me - a trip, bath in a tub without much assistance oh was wonderful! but scary and my knees hurt when trying to get up, having the energy to go places (hope this continues) and now living in a 1 story place, walking around Target to get what we need for new place (can do about 20-30 minutes). I still have to be careful while trying to do things as I have balance issues along with limited feeling on right side but wow what a week!

More later. Have a great day! God bless!