Balance (many different ways)

       When I was thinking about what to write about, the topic "balance" came to the front of my mind. This is an area that I struggle in during my recovery (even before my stroke). The first time I was asked to walk after I had my stroke was really scary for me. I lost all my feeling on my right side. I couldn't tell when anyone was touching me, my feet, my leg, my shoulder or even brushing my hair on my right side. I felt like I was split in two, right down the middle. So trying to get my right leg and foot to cooperate was a challenge. It took 3 people to help me up and stay with me. They tried a walker with me but my right hand would not hold on and my right foot kept turning on it's right side. I had to have my right hand strapped to the walker. I made a few steps and within a week I walked out of my room to the door of the room next door. It was not a pretty sight trying to walk and I had to use something to remind me to balance.
        Even now my balance can be off but luckily I use a 4-prong cane instead of a walker. I even have lucky days of walking around the house without my cane or just the single prong cane. I think I can do this! My right foot doesn't turn up on the right side anymore and if I concentrate I can move with ease. My gait, rate and way of movement, is slow and have to remind my foot "heel to toe" when walking forward. I am still missing a good part of feeling in my foot and leg. I have realized during my walks that I do better when I can tell the presence of my leg and foot. Knowing is half the battle and getting my muscles to not tighten up is the other. While I try to focus there is a lot going on in my mind, around me and that can make my balance and me come to a stop. Oh the things we don't even think about when we can just walk!

         The other part of balance is our way of life. I have to balance my time between family, friends and for myself. I struggled with time way before my stroke. Some days I was really selfish and wanted to do what I wanted instead of spending time with loved ones. Other days I let people and objects take up too much time. Balance in relationships are needed too. Not only for our health and needs but also for the other person. I struggle with communicating my needs especially social needs and health needs. I always could do what I needed before my stroke but not now.
        The biggest thing I missed out on before my stroke was God, spending time with Him and reading His word. I allowed the computer and cell phone to become more important then God. There were times that I pushed Him to the side and I thought I could do better. Now I want and need more balance in my life. I could not get where I am today without His love and forgiveness. To forgive myself too.

I leave this verse with you today.

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves,

 and the truth is not in us.

 If we confess our sins,

 He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and

 to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

  If we say that we have not sinned,

 we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us."

1 John 1:8-10 (NKJV)