Doctor update 2

First off, please pray for my dad, who is going through recovery from back surgery. Pray that whatever infections and issues are handled quickly. Thanks!

I went to my neurologist to get a follow-up on two MRIs and blood work.
The good news- no blood disorders and nothing that stands out. Everything looks great on paper when it comes to the blood work. My carotid artery looks good and no issues seem to be present.

It's been almost three years since my last MRI which showed my main stroke damaged area and one spot in another area. This is the part that has been hard to take. I've had nine more small strokes sometime in the last three years. I had no idea as there is no physical change that we can tell. I'm still having other issues so it might be that my brain tries to re-write the connections and I have an episode that I cannot see so the connection is not form. However, as much as I can speculate, I will not.

So still no explanation except that I must watch my blood pressure and loose weight. Perhaps another opinion is best so going to speak with my primary care about the findings.

I admit I'm saddened and it's scarey. I'm young, 38, but whatever is going on, God knows. Please pray for me and my family, my husband and daughter. Thanks!

Doctor updates

August was a busy month. Here are some updates:
Sleep Study - In 2005 I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and was severe enough to be placed on a cpap machine which I admit was not fun nor did I use it as much as I should have at the time. I was lucky and highly suggest not doing what I did and follow all doctor instructions. The latest study shows some sleep issues but I'm no longer having the severe sleep apnea. I have moderate snoring and my issues come about when sleeping on my back. Treatment- sleep on side and continue to loose weight, use a nasal spray at night.

Thankful that I have improved with 30lb loss and no longer needing a machine to help me sleep/breathe.

MRI's - had 2 MRI's done the week of the 12th of august. They went fairly fast and the techs were really helpful and pleasant.

Blood work - went to see a Hematologist and wish he could be my regular doctor. He paid attention and asked several questions along with having a sense of humor that went along with me and my family. I had several tests done (14 vials of blood) on the 23rd of August. The office called and said that my tests were negative! and they are forwarding the results to my neurologist.

I go to the neurologist on the 17th of September to discuss the MRI's and the findings of all tests.

Thanking God for all things and know He is in control!

Thankful

Thank you for the comments, emails, prayers and requests. I'm thankful for a better day today. Updates in the coming weeks about all the tests and appointments. I have blood-work appointment this Friday for some special tests (Gene analysis, lupus, protein, etc) to see if any other issues I may have that might have an idea of why I had my stroke. Please pray for answers. Several doctors think it may be more then just the high blood pressure especially since this has been an issue since my teen years.
I leave this in God's hands.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.

  Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.

 The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything,

 but in everything by prayer

 and supplication with thanksgiving

 let your requests be made known to God.

  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

 will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,

 whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,

 whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence,

 if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 

Philippians 4:4-8 

Not Good with Words

There are days that struggle seems to be all that happens or can be what is focused on more.

Grief - it comes and goes. While not the same situations or even loss, or how life is handled, this article I found really pinpointed some clarity of dealing with grief and words or what can be done. "what to say when there is nothing to say" Take a moment and read the article by Sarah or book mark for later. May it be helpful.


When the days are good, at least as they can be, and there is much positive words, so wonderful to have those days. However, even at almost 4 years since the stroke, there are many days, weeks or slight moments here or there, the loss of my right side tends to be overbearing. The tears flow, the memories invade my mind and I have to refocus.

Yes, I'm getting some function back but it doesn't stay around as much as I would like or the feeling in my right side changes, some good, some painful, but it's not back full time. I try to explain what my body is doing but the words don't come out right and then there are more tears.

The words are not there, to explain, to say what I need or feel I need or even the words come out wrong. To say what I want done around the house or what puts me at ease. Sometimes, I'm not good with words.

Spending Time Part 2

We have been spending time with our daughter the past few weeks before school starts back up next week. She wanted me to share what we have done as a family. We've watched movies and played different games. I haven't felt well (pain when walking/not much energy) and so we haven't gone many places but even still we make the most of our time together. Her and I have worked on chores during the day as best we can, teaching her about kitchen and laundry. A few days we had Grandma helping with us and that's always an adventure.

One of the fun times that we laugh together about and enjoy is Minecraft. We have a private server that we can play together and do lots of creating. It's about using whatever we can find from the block materials to make essential tools, building blocks to very complex objects.  Minecraft also gives me a chance to work on moving my right hand on the mouse and pressing the shift button. My right hand doesn't always want to do what I want it to do. I cannot feel definite objects so I have to watch what I'm doing with my right side. I'm getting better even if slow.

Here are some of our creations along with our characters:

Daughter's character outside our home base

Living Room/Dining area

Our Characters with our horses, sheep and cows

We enjoy what we can during this busy season. While I wish we could be out enjoying being with others, we have a great time together at home.

I hope you had a great weekend and all is well. If you have any prayer requests, send me an e-mail or comment. May the Lord bless you this coming week.

Spending Time Part 1

Summer is getting closer to an end and a new season is among us. New school class for daughter and an ending class for husband with a new class in September. Weather will still have some hot times but it won't be long and cooler weather will come and go. As some know from reading my blog, we have gone through many seasons. For me, we are back to several doctor visits, neurology, blood work, 2 MRI's next week and more follow-up visits.

I had to change Neurologists because my previous doctor is no longer in the area or no longer practicing. I'm not sure so off to a new doctor. Having a new doctor can be a good thing at times.  For once I have a doctor who wants to find out why I had a stroke in the first place. Most have just blamed my high blood pressure but this doctor is not agreeing. So I will have another MRI and a more detailed look at my brain. (not going to go into specifics until later) Also in coming weeks, blood tests to check to see if I have any blood disorders.

So we are spending time with our daughter. More tomorrow. Next week will be busy.


A reminder to all Elders and young pastors but also good words for all Christians. Many times we are told to humble ourselves and share our anxieties and burdens with the Lord. 
From my reading today of 1 Peter:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV

August

I hope you are doing well. My plan is to give an update soon. I have another new Neuro Doctor appointment today. A quick praise - sleep study went ok but I did it and will have update on 5th.

More later,

What now?

Here we are at almost the end of January but still at the beginning of the new year, 2013. A new season is upon us and change in schedules. My husband started school for an IT degree and so now he is gone for various times and days. All last year, he was with me almost always unless he went to do an errand and I didn't go with him. When he was in the Air Force he was gone all day long and yes, I admit, I missed my time alone. In a sense, this change is not new but we are in a different place since he worked and I'm at a different stage of recovery. So this is a change but I'm looking forward to having time alone in the house.

I don't get all day but at least I have a few hours that I can do the things I want in my time or I can attempt to challenge myself, safely, to do activities around the house. I am doing more but still not as much as I would like to do. I'm become braver at working in the kitchen. I've come to realize and admit that having a stroke is no playground of fun trying to revamp my body to do what is natural. I'm still having issues but I can do this!, whatever "this" may be at the time.

What now? has been a question on my mind the last few weeks. However, my thoughts of exercise all day and do all that I've been taught at therapy, my thoughts have changed. My alone time has been nothing really of the kind but has consisted of reading God's Word and studying. Then having breakfast, which is my morning challenge. I try to stick to simple but filling. Takes me a good bit of time getting the Greek yogurt and apple out of the refrigerator and then cutting the apple with the apple slicer, corer gadget. Oh and a drink and taking all the items to my desk in the living room. Then I can rest and have a nice morning reading blogs, sermons, Facebook and whatever I come across. By the time I'm finished it's almost Noon because I probably didn't really start my morning until 9:30 or 10am.

This past week I had the privilege to watch the Truth & Life Conference 2013: Word of God at The Master's College in Santa Clarita, California. The speakers were: Dr. John MacArthur, president of The Master's College and pastor-teacher at Grace Community Church and Grace To You Ministry; Dr. Mark Dever, senior pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington D. C. and president of 9Marks Ministries; and Dr. Sinclair Ferguson, senior minister at First Presbyterian Church of Columbia, South Carolina and Professor of Systematic Theology at Redeemer Theological Seminary.
There is so much I could say but to make it short, and maybe another post later, we studied the Word of God. The whole bible points to Jesus as Savior and Lord, our center. The Old Testament shows us who God is, how He interacts with people and His promises, among other interesting topics. The New Testament shows us Jesus' life and about Christian living plus other also interesting topics. As Dr. Ferguson said in one of his sessions, "Soak in God's Word."

Thanking God for His grace and mercy, the Lord Jesus Christ for when we repent and turn from our sin, He is faithful to forgive and thankful for the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.

Comfort

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.  

Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.  

And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation."

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

 

Wow! It's November!

Where did the time go? Last time I wrote was back in August. I had just started a new season of therapy. At that time I was walking with a 4-prong cane and barely getting around my duplex. I was not doing dishes and rarely went in the garage. I left almost all the cleaning to my husband and 99% of the food preparation/cooking. I didn't think I could manage with a right side that was not functioning in holding items or walking. Sure I get out and about but no where near what I did before my stroke. After my time was up at therapy, I'm doing so much more and have to watch it or I do too much.

I'm walking around the house about 90% of the time without any assistance - No Cane, or walker or anything - maybe a wall or door from time to time but thank the Lord! Outside I use a single prong cane and still working up the courage to walk unassisted. Yes I still have issues with my muscles and swelling in feet/legs but I'm walking and doing better as time goes on. I still need to work on my energy and getting out to church on Sunday. Please pray that my anxiety goes away being around people and that my brain will function when around crowds. Like I said, my energy is not the best and some days even just going and walking, end up in pain in my right foot and lower back. Please pray that we can get in a better routine.

I'm using my right hand more and some feeling coming back. I thank God for all He has given me! I cooked macaroni and cheese and brownies in therapy. Now to apply what I did, at home. Difficult to process what I'm doing at times and how to manage around our kitchen. I did make a moist chocolate cake, for my daughter's birthday, that I did everything except put in the oven. The cake was so yummy that by the next day it was all gone between family. I've even fixed a few plates for my family at meals and took plates from living room to kitchen. A work in progress but I'm happy to try and keep at it!

Other things that have happened the last few months - I had a severe stomach illness in September/early October, that lasted for 4 weeks. Praises for giving the right meds and good doctor to check on my stomach area to rule out other possibilities. I admit that I had doubts about what we needed to do but God was right there watching over me, my fever and the pain.
My husband still looking for work. Praise that the unemployment was continued. Praise that he is able to go to college starting in January, still waiting on GI Bill confirmation but thankful for whatever God gives us during this time. We are trusting Him for provision for what we need. The unemployment will stop at the end of the year or sooner if work is found.
My husband had a small wreck in August and the car still needs to be fixed. We are saving up and almost have enough. Praising God for the safety of both my husband and the other driver and passenger. That neither party was charged and insurance has paid, now to get the damage fixed. Please pray nothing happens while we get our funds together.

Whew long post - Thanks for reading. I hope you all have a good week. For those that celebrate Thanksgiving, a wonderful Thursday and a happy, thankful day. May God bless you all.

2-week Evaluation (Physical Therapy)

Today marked 2nd week of therapy for this round and they did an evaluation. In my first evaluation I scored a 41 out of 56 points. I did great on the standing still portion but the balance/moving area I needed improvement. I have done exercises every day with stretches and either therapy sessions or bike pedals on alternating days. In today's evaluation I scored a 46 out of 56. My goal was a 3 point change but ended with a 5 point gain. I've had increased feeling in my right side over the last 2 weeks and loosening of my tight muscles. I'm so excited that there are changes happening.

Today we also introduced the single prong cane and I will try to use this around the house more. I did not have any problems using the one at therapy. We also used the Bioness L300 to stimulate my right knee and leg muscles to help with my walking (gait) and toes to lift higher. WOW!! I'm shocked literally but also shocked in how my leg and foot responded. When we were setting the equipment up I had to go through different wavelengths and positions so I had some intense sensations and sometimes my foot would turn right and quick. When my therapist would turn the setting off my foot would then snap back to center. My husband, daughter, and I all laughed several times whenever my foot was turned and then released. Too funny but I thank the Lord that my muscles were responding to the stimulation.

I then was asked to walk around the area and what a big change! I was walking so much better and my steps were definitely changed from my regular steps. We were so amazed at the response and it felt wonderful. I then walked in the parallel bar area with a mirror to practice more with my spacing of my steps. We will continue stimulating and my next goals for walking are with single prong and then no cane. Even after taking the system off my leg, I still could feel the difference. I pray that this continues. Thank you Lord for this new season!

Getting Better

Counting - 30 seconds, 20 seconds or even 5 seconds; 1 - 5, 10 or even 20 - all the different values that are said or thought during the different stretching exercises. There are stretches for laying down, sitting and standing and with that different value of how many, how long to hold and how many times per session.This is just the beginning to the physical therapy world. Stretches help our muscles so we have the correct posture and ability to do the normal activities like walking and exercises. Even when I have therapy three days a week I still must do stretches and exercises to help maintain and improve how my muscles react. One of the issues I have are some really tight muscles. The stretches help relieve the tension which helps movement have an easier time. If you are not into exercising or at least walking, having a stroke or any illness, fall, break, ok anything can have a shock factor. Before my stroke I did not do any exercise continuous and now, ugh, I have a hard time even with my left side that did not have any issues due to my stroke. Now I wish I had went to gym, exercised, walked, whatever but I'll get there!

Today was day 4 of PT (Physical Therapy) and day 2 of OT (Occupational Therapy). Lots of walking, NuStep machine walking, and working with parallel bars with different objects for balance, hand exercises from weight-bearing (putting pressure, force on my affected hand and arm) to the smaller finger pickup exercises. I'm in a new place but similar types of equipment and exercises but there is a difference. I'm now at a point where I want to work out. I want those exercises and get this body working. I want to get better so I can help others in person and not just online but to include both areas. Now more than ever I want the light of Jesus to shine and do not want to waste any opportunity that comes my way to share the hope, joy and peace that comes with being a child of God. My heart breaks when I see, hear or read that others are going through illness especially those with Stroke illnesses and disabilities. I thank the Lord for allowing me a second chance here at learning His Word but also to have my eyes open to the people around me that He loves. Jesus never said His way is easy. No matter what happens, may it all be to His glory and honor.

"Give unto the Lord, O you mighty ones,
Give unto the Lord glory and strength.

Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name;
Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness."

Psalm 29:1-2

"And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan."

Luke 17:15-16  

Have a great week!

Therapy and August

I need a camera so I can bring you some pictures of the great places here around our area of Florida. We make comments about the different areas we have lived and how weather was for us in Oklahoma the last 3 years. The differences can make an impact in how we live and what we can accomplish. Therapy depends on, a good amount of the time, what type of weather condition is in the area. I wrote about it last year here . If we weren't having good weather I was not going to attempt therapy or even go outside.

The weather here in Florida has had really good times even if hot and humid. I've enjoyed the times that I'm going out which has increased since I wrote here. We started going to church more often and helping with WCIF 106.3 "Where Christ Is First" Radio Station with their monthly newsletter. I even got to place the donuts stickers on several using my right hand to peel the sticker and left hand to place. Progress in the midst of serving! Praise The Lord!

Today started new therapy with an evaluation from a physical therapist. There were several exercises to gauge where I am at and have a new starting point to continue progress. I do well with the standing still exercises but having to change stance or position I had a harder time. I'm still at a risk of falling but that means I get more therapy that will continue to increase balance and moving. We will also get more stretching exercises which I'm really looking forward to learning.

I thank the Lord for my biggest progress earlier this week, walking around my daughter's school to get her registered, small sits here and there but mainly standing and walking to the different stations and from the car and back, for 40 minutes! Usually by 15-20 minutes I have to take a break but not this time, I made it! My daughter had a good day today too as her first day of school!

More later - Therapy again on Friday.

In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.

 Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah

Psalm 62:7-8

June Update

An update of sorts. As a family we are working on unpacking and dealing with bugs (spiders, ants and whatever else shows up) in our rental home. I'm not fully able to do household chores so I've tried to direct my husband and daughter how to do tasks that I would have normally took on myself. I've had to learn to not be so picky and let them learn how to do daily tasks. Letting go has not been easy and frustration creeps in when I look around. Tasks unfinished and so I try to do them or I end up complaining that I'm being ignored. I know there are things that they want to do and things I want to do but order is what I'm needing. Cleaning is not fun but as I know, having a clean ordered home makes for several days of enjoyment.

My blood pressure has been lower (95-115/ 58-76) and at times I have wanted to just sleep the day away. We lowered my medicine and for the past week I have been feeling better. We also changed two other meds a few weeks ago and so far doing well with no major side effects.I won't know how things are really going until August when have blood tests and doctor visits. I will also finally get to see a neurologist and hopefully get some therapy started to help focus on my issues. I'm still having issues of: balance, lack of feeling or full feeling, muscles spasms and tightness, pain mainly in shoulder/back, right hand function. Most of the issues go together or affect each other. With some feeling or lack of feeling, makes tasks harder like walking, exercises and fine motor function. I have almost full range of arm but small tasks with hand need work. I have a lot of pins and needles sensation and we are trying to work on my feeling. Almost every day my husband will mess with my hand and arm. He will touch different areas and ask me what do I feel when not looking. This activity exercises my brain and requires me to think about what is going on. Part of recovering is to have repetitive sessions of feeling activities. I'm hoping that one day I will not only feel in muscles but the outside skin feeling also. We have seen small improvements in my hand and fingers. I now can almost tell which finger he is pulling on. Walking is still a work in process. I feel different muscles and every day something different but I am starting to feel my heel. We are hoping that these small improvements continue showing.

I'm not getting out as much as I was when we first moved here. I wish I could say that I could just up and go but that is not how I am. I have issues in the morning with waking up and my throat. Another issue that came after having the stroke but not for almost a year. Then my pills, one with two meals and one for breakfast and one for dinner. A new routine (one has to be 30 minutes before two meals) started a month ago that we are finally getting used to me taking but still can be a pain. I have to use my tray for some to make sure I have taken them because I forget very easily.

Not a full update but that's just part of what we are doing. I thank the Lord for every day that is given to me. I'm reading my bible all the way through for the first time. I'm a little more than half way but every day is great to read a few chapters and think about what God has said. I'm in the book of Isaiah and just recently read chapter 53. Written before Jesus but about Him. Read it sometime.

May you have a wonderful weekend.

May 28, 2012

Lovely view from Melbourne Beach, Florida

Hi my friends! I hope all is well with you and if not, may you find relief, comfort, in the arms of the Lord. He is our refuge and strength. (Psalm 46)

Words have come and gone, quicker then I can write them down. So what are we doing lately? Not a whole lot. Our time has included spending time together as a family unit, learning to manage the changes from moving, the challenges of my daily care but also getting our medical started in a new place and then there is school and ending quite well for moving and dealing with new ways of schools and teachers.

We made changes to the rental house (put in a hand rail on side of bath tub and my chair, added a step in garage with a hand rail) so that I am a little at ease but still dependent again for a lot of things that I need to work on and to feel more independent. We have had a semi-rough transition but we will get there in time.

Part of this journey I'm dealing with - what am I doing, what am I to do and where do I fit in to society, community and even family. For the most part I have been studying/reading my bible and really eager to learn and change my ways which can be a real struggle but I know this process takes His help in learning His ways. I have used Facebook to increase my faith through prayer and reaching out to share Jesus' love with others. I struggle with jealousy at times because I'm not fully functional however I'm learning.

This month is stroke awareness month and I have the need to share with others the signs (include face drooping, loss of feeling/function of arms and legs, slurred speech, vision loss and blur) and the need to act quickly in getting help. I am not perfect so please forgive me for not writing sooner.

Please also pray for our nation and that the Lord have mercy on us. This is an important time for us here in America and we need to get back on track.

Many hugs to all!

The A word and others

All of a sudden your dreams and all the plans came to a screeching halt. Your body as you knew it is no longer the same. What you thought you could do was no longer what you were capable of doing. For me, at first, was amazement and in awe of what I was feeling (or not feeling) on the right side of my body. The shock was still present so I was going on as if nothing had really happened. That I would wake up from this horrible dream and learn what I needed to know going forward with a happy life as before. Shock and trying to listen to what the doctors, nurses and even those that were therapists, making objectives to be fun and should be back to normal in 6 months or so they thought because of my progression I had while in the first hospital. All this in 2 weeks - shock, sadness kicked in at night when I was alone after my fiance' had to go back to our state 6 hours away. I can do this I thought, whatever is thrown at me. Then the A word started to sneak in a few weeks later after coming back home to being stuck in another hospital. Anger - it's just beginning to peek from it's corner of the boxing ring.

Oh the first year was full of emotion but Anger really hit and hit hard the first 6 months and maybe longer. Even now I have to watch my temper and anxiety level when dealing with change and challenges. There are so many examples but they hurt too much. I was angry and screaming inside sometimes not understanding what was happening. I made messes, throwing things, hitting myself, letting whatever come out of my mouth just flow instead of biting my tongue, hurt others with words and really was not in a good place. I couldn't even form the right words to apologize even though inside I was hurting to stop and crying so much that I acted out so horribly. Even when I tried to apologize the words still screwed up. Oh how I wish things had not happened. I hope that one day those that I hurt will be able to forgive me fully and come to understand why I acted the way I did.

When something traumatic happens to your life or your body, so many emotions come flying at you from all over the place and not exactly at the same time. Those emotions and feelings were stronger than any other time before my stroke and trying to process everything that had happened has been hard at times. What I learned over the last two years and still learning cannot be easy to write. Some of those times were really dark and lonely but I never was alone. The light that shines from God's word has cleared away some of the darkness and I thank the Lord for allowing me this life here, for forgiveness of Sins and restoring of His relationship as well as others. God's word is truth and His desire for our lives. Jesus dealt with temptation including anger but He did not sin. Thank you Jesus for showing us that we can be angry but not sin.

"Seeing then that we have a great High Priest

 who has passed through the heavens,

 Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.

  For we do not have a High Priest

 who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses,

 but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.

 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace,

 that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Hebrews 4:14-16

Balance (many different ways)

       When I was thinking about what to write about, the topic "balance" came to the front of my mind. This is an area that I struggle in during my recovery (even before my stroke). The first time I was asked to walk after I had my stroke was really scary for me. I lost all my feeling on my right side. I couldn't tell when anyone was touching me, my feet, my leg, my shoulder or even brushing my hair on my right side. I felt like I was split in two, right down the middle. So trying to get my right leg and foot to cooperate was a challenge. It took 3 people to help me up and stay with me. They tried a walker with me but my right hand would not hold on and my right foot kept turning on it's right side. I had to have my right hand strapped to the walker. I made a few steps and within a week I walked out of my room to the door of the room next door. It was not a pretty sight trying to walk and I had to use something to remind me to balance.
        Even now my balance can be off but luckily I use a 4-prong cane instead of a walker. I even have lucky days of walking around the house without my cane or just the single prong cane. I think I can do this! My right foot doesn't turn up on the right side anymore and if I concentrate I can move with ease. My gait, rate and way of movement, is slow and have to remind my foot "heel to toe" when walking forward. I am still missing a good part of feeling in my foot and leg. I have realized during my walks that I do better when I can tell the presence of my leg and foot. Knowing is half the battle and getting my muscles to not tighten up is the other. While I try to focus there is a lot going on in my mind, around me and that can make my balance and me come to a stop. Oh the things we don't even think about when we can just walk!

         The other part of balance is our way of life. I have to balance my time between family, friends and for myself. I struggled with time way before my stroke. Some days I was really selfish and wanted to do what I wanted instead of spending time with loved ones. Other days I let people and objects take up too much time. Balance in relationships are needed too. Not only for our health and needs but also for the other person. I struggle with communicating my needs especially social needs and health needs. I always could do what I needed before my stroke but not now.
        The biggest thing I missed out on before my stroke was God, spending time with Him and reading His word. I allowed the computer and cell phone to become more important then God. There were times that I pushed Him to the side and I thought I could do better. Now I want and need more balance in my life. I could not get where I am today without His love and forgiveness. To forgive myself too.

I leave this verse with you today.

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves,

 and the truth is not in us.

 If we confess our sins,

 He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and

 to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

  If we say that we have not sinned,

 we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us."

1 John 1:8-10 (NKJV)

Opening Up (or trying)

It's been over a year since I started this blog. I never really knew what I would write after I wrote about what happened 28 months ago. Yes I had a stroke but I still think there is so much to tell and maybe I will find the words to share. Some topics are easier to share but some have been really personal. Only my husband has really seen and been through everything with me. The ups, the therapy sessions and the ugly parts that I really wish went away. However, it's in the dark times that God's grace and light really shine. He is not through with me or any of those around me. My faith in Him and belief in Him has become really strong but the Lord is the only way I could work through all the issues that come up with family, recovery and every day.
So, with all that said, over the next few weeks I am going to try to "open up" and share what this journey we are on has entailed. 

March 1st

I hope you all are doing well and looking forward. We have finally moved and getting settled in our new place. Moving has been the most challenging event for me since my stroke. The frustrations and anxiety increased over the weeks of packing, making decisions and the move itself. However, God is so faithful and having reminders along the way helped me endure all that we had to do. The trip itself was long 4 days of traveling from Oklahoma to Florida. Our truck was fully packed so we had to watch the roads carefully. Thankfully nothing major happened and we arrived just in time to have friends help us unload the truck, within 15 minutes of us stopping at new home.

Half way into our trip there was a big white cross lit up on a hill near the interstate in between Mississippi and Alabama. I wish I had pictures but it was a great reminder of Jesus and all God has done for us. Yes we were tired and ready to rest but we kept on another 2 hours before stopping.

Many of you know that I had a stroke and still recovering. This trip gave me a glimpse of what I can do and has helped me greatly. I had to get in and out of the truck at stops relying on my right side more, grabbing the handle and pulling myself up, walking more and trying all I could. There are firsts for me - a trip, bath in a tub without much assistance oh was wonderful! but scary and my knees hurt when trying to get up, having the energy to go places (hope this continues) and now living in a 1 story place, walking around Target to get what we need for new place (can do about 20-30 minutes). I still have to be careful while trying to do things as I have balance issues along with limited feeling on right side but wow what a week!

More later. Have a great day! God bless!

2 years

My thoughts -
November 25, 2009 - the night I had a stroke on Wednesday before Thanksgiving

It has been two years since my life changed. Thankful to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit for saving me, giving me a second chance and bringing me closer to Him. While I might not be where I thought I would be, or even where Doctors told my family or me, the recovery process has been the toughest challenge I have ever had to face. I have bad days but the good days out do them. I cannot say recovery is easy but! I can say that the peace, strength and love from the Lord keep me going.

In the last two years I have come across so many people and I pray that God has used me to help others. I have seen so many that do not know the Lord, do not have His peace and are very miserable. I have also seen people that say they rely on Jesus in one breath and in the next breath are miserable. May His peace be on them that He so freely gives, that those that are miserable realize the refuge He provides. Before my stroke I never realized how much I am to rely on Him and how much His ways and plans are better than anything we can imagine.

His Words change people and life becomes manageable as long as He is the focus. Two years and that is my thoughts for today. Circumstance might be there - not having a full functional body, not always walking as best as I would like, not having a right hand that can do what it did before and lots of pain/muscle tightness in arm and leg. But God, makes my days better by giving me a family that helps even when it stops them for a moment, a family that ask what can they do to help or if I want help and giving me friends that have no idea how much I need their company at times but show up at the right time. Thank you.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,

in everything give thanks;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18